Sweet, Sweet Dough

Cookie Cake (koo key kayk) - noun
1. A vessel coagulator for children commemorating the day they slipped out of their mothers' wombs
2. A large, pancake-like pastry containing, in this order by quantity, oil, white sugar, butter, eggs, and baking powder

1/8 of a 12" cookie cake:
About 350 calories
Half a heart attack of saturated fat

I wonder if I can make a healthy cake.
/)_- Silly me. Margarine (let alone low fat margarine) is never used in any sort of cake. The cake would collapse without butter's firmness.
What's bad about butter?
WAHAHA. Butter is creamed sugar and fat.
But I like cake.
You don't want a flab abs.
I already have those. Can I just eat some cake?
No. Go do your homework.

Five Freshman Indicators

Really? You . . .
1. Walk through the hallways staring at a map.
2. Get in a clump and stare at people you don't know during class.
3. Sigh audibly with relief when you make it to each room.
4. Hug your friends at lunch like you haven't seen each other for years.
5. Just finished reading this list.

The Mile-High City

Look anywhere in the United States.
Seriously.
What do you see? Always? Everywhere?

That's right.

Fat people.

But after my trip to Colorado, I'm pretty sure that this state is the only exception. Fat people do not exist here. Maybe they're an endangered species. Maybe they're even...extinct.

I think I know why.

The citizens of Colorado have worked extremely hard on exterminating fat people. Every time they eat, they exercise immediately after. Breakfast! Hike. Lunch! Bike. Snack! Jog. Dinner! Powerwalk with your spouse, children, pets. Midnight snack! Lift weights until your biceps explode.

And so on.

This is probably why I didn't fit in with all these ATHLETIC AND OUTDOORSY people. I mean, who has the time to do all that hiking/biking/jogging/powerwalking/weightlifting?

So, doing the best I could, I walked a few of those paths and hiked a few of those trails, but I was certainly more at home in the hotel. With my laptop.

Instead of fat people, Colorado has elk.

I kid you not. Let me give you an analogy for those literal people out there.

McDonald's is to obese people as Colorado is to elk.

EVERYWHERE I LOOKED...elk. Elk on the road. Elk by a tree. Elk in a parking lot. Elk in the lake. Elk lollopping around a grassy park. Elk. Elk. Elk.

It gives a suburban freshman a bit of a fright, I gotta say.

I suppose that's what all the big dogs are for. In Boulder, Denver, Estes Park, and Grand Lake, every person had a large, very adorable dog and a cowboy hat. They were never on leashes. I think it's a cowboy thing. (Seriously. Why would anybody wear a hat for such a long time? Doesn't it get sweaty? I mean, Colorado's dry and hot, but still...you're bound to sweat sometime. And those boots get kind of tacky. Sorry.) It's a matter of opinion.

Being an indoorsy kind of girl (I really do mean INDOORSY--I don't leave the security of civilization unless I really, really have to), I was completely shocked at how breathtaking those mountains, rivers, and lakes are. The air is definitely cleaner, too. People are friendlier. The animals are happier.

Is it just me, or is Colorado a nature-freak's paradise?

The thing I'll remember most from this trip, though, is what I heard when I went whitewater rafting in Colorado Springs. (Everybody should try it. It's wickedly fun, and you don't have to be super ripped to do it or anything.) :

(Our guide from Tennessee, Dave, was greeting another guide. He called the other guide "brother." I'm pretty sure that "brother" is not actually "brother"'s real name, but for the sake of the spirit of whitewater rafting, that's what I'll call him.)

Dave: Hey, brother!

Brother: How ya doin'?

Dave. Most excellent.

Brother: Livin' the dream, eh?

Dave: Well, yeah! Some days I wake up to the occasional nightmare, but usually it's a dream.

When Suddenly, A Speech Impediment Is Thrust Upon You.

I WAS SO GLAD . .
. . to get my braces off. A stick of gum, a few notes on the trumpet, and a week later, I was still glad. Of course, I had my one-week-follow-up orthodontist appointment.
WHICH IS WHEN . .
. . I got my retainer. And my orthodontist told me that she was selling her baby grand and was I interested? I would have politely replied, EXCEPT that I had a hunk of plastic in my mouth.
"Hm, that's weird," the Doc told me. My heart skipped a beat. Would I need my braces back? "Did you ask for a color?"
Whew.
"No, I think I just asked for clear."
"Well, it looks like he started to mix yellow and something else in, then remembered. Oops!" My orthodontist says, handing me a chunky thing that looked like it better belonged in a McDonald's Happy Meal than in my mouth for several months. It had nasty veins of a sickly yellow in it. I retained--er, refrained--from making a face.
"Thank you." The words were GARBLED. I couldn't enunciate. And I had to wear this all the time? I sounded like I had a bad Catalan Spanish accent. What happened to "s" and "d"?
SO, I DECIDED THAT I'D NEVER . .
. . wear my retainer at school or on the phone. I guess I'll have to get used to getting quieter at home.
All part of the teenage awkward phase, right? With my luck, the lack of babbling will be interpreted as 'unusual emotional state' or the symptom of some really rare (nonexistent?) disorder.
WHERE'S THE MORAL . .
. . of the story? How's this: Choose two parents with perfect teeth and never get braces.
I should put my speech impediment back in now.
Cheers, K

Our Up and Coming Fall Trends. Supposedly.

THANK YOU, LADY GAGA . .

 . . for the trend of lace. People assosciate lace with old things, and old things are in right now with our whole "recessionista: reused, recycled, and retro (out-of-date) pieces!" theme. While everyone might not be going out for coffee in skin-tight lace catsuits, expect to see the celeb-fashion magazine readers sporting lacy tops with camis underneath or blouses with lace edging.

AND JUST WHEN WE'VE LEFT KENNEDY . .

 . . gold. And shades of gold. Personally, I think it's an overwhelming color that can quickly turn into puke-green or stare-at-the-person-with-bright-gold-clothing. In duller shades and moderation, however, I can see it being the next ugly deep eggplant or dead leaf green. Three month weird color trends. *shudders*

BECAUSE THIS APPLIES TO YOU . .

. . if you wore sky-high heels, stop it. For some reason, people aren't into that anymore.

AND IF YOU'RE A PREP . .

. . then keep wearing what you've always worn. Brand-names are only taking more logos off bags; their popularity continues. They're investing in another trend, jackets; jackets with the fuzzy insides and thick, wool-looking things will be popping up on airheads near you this winter.

This is just a summary. Don't go out and buy lacy gold flats; just expect to see others wearing them.

Cheers, K

In retrospect...

People are strange things.

Because of this reason, a blog came into existence between two unlikely friends.
One is fantastically artistic.
One is not.
One is freakishly optimistic.
One is...not.
One is, well, silly.
One is not.
One is fiercely competitive.
One is not.
One is spastic.
One is not.

Despite these differences, there are a lot of similarities, too. Other friends, sense of humor, music, interests...it's a complicated thing. But isn't everything else supposed to be, too?

While blogging about our experiences or just getting through them, it's going to be interesting. 


Welcome to our warped, weird, ridiculous, peculiar, strangely-realistic, and awesome life.