Sunday, February 6, 2011

Cogito ergo sum?

Words don't mean anything anymore because intentions speak for them.

My extracurricular involves arguing. This is my ticket to college, the star on my classy resume, my pride and joy. I argue because I like it. I argue because I can't do this in reality. Reality is for losers.

This extracurricular is my mask. I talk to people not because I want to know them, but because I want them on my side. My smile is insincere, I laugh for followers, not for the heck of it. This is practice, practice for reality, a loser's world. People aren't always going to like you, they say, so you have to pretend. You're not yourself anymore. This is a world where you can't be yourself. You're everybody's best friend. Nerds? No. What is this word, I do not understand. Flirting? Underrated. Acting preppy? Arguably, I've incorporated that into my life. Something I hate. But I love it, I love it.

This extracurricular is image. Pants? I don't wear them. Skirts and dresses make boys like you more, and it's true. Won't you remember a girl in a sexy skirt more than a girl in boring black pants? Clicking high heels, parted hair in a Wall Street-worthy updo, a spritz or two of perfume. Glamor at its finest. I put my costume on and I am a different person. Goodbye, sweet. Hello, fierce.

I play this extracurricular like a game. It is a game. Perform well, instant elevation. You're not right for it? That's fine. I don't care. I don't care about anybody except for myself and my team, but I'm against them, too. This is an individual sport, a bloodbath. Of course there's cheating. Enemies are like your best friends for life, the epitome of oxymorons.

I remember that I am worthless to people with whom I play. I am worth nothing unless I fight for it. How can I ever prove myself if I don't try? Politics infiltrate even the team, there's not a trace of sincerity. Nobody cares about others. What a self-centered world I love.

I am not a monster.

But I love it. I love it so much.

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